


50 Reasons to Live

by jurassiclouis



Series: Reasons to Live [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU One Direction doesn't exist, Angst, Cancer, Fluff, M/M, Pretty much everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-15
Updated: 2012-12-15
Packaged: 2017-11-21 05:33:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jurassiclouis/pseuds/jurassiclouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Louis has a bucket list and Harry helps him finish it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	50 Reasons to Live

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic on this site, so be gentle please! Also posted on my tumblr: jurassiclouis.tumblr.com and it was originally my Jalex fic, but I found One Direction and just had to rewrite it and add and uxjanabks. Please enjoy :)

**1\. Get smashed**  
  
“Hey, Harry,” Louis giggled, looking over at him and putting a hand on his knee to get Harry’s attention away from the swaying bodies in front of him as they watched dazed from a ratty couch.  
  
“Lou Lou!” Harry exclaimed over the loud bumps of the music, laughing as if the nickname was the absolute funniest thing in the world. The amount of alcohol consumed by the two in the past hour was enough to hold down an elephant, making everything completely hilarious to them.  
  
Louis paused for a moment, looking thoughtful.  
  
“Promise me you won’t look at me like I’m going to die,” Louis said, still smiling.  
  
Harry turned his head to the side in confusion. “But aren’t you going to die?” he asked simply.  
  
“Yeah, yeah. But I don’t want to feel like it,” Louis explained and not more than two seconds later, he started laughing again.  
  
“Hey, Louis,” Harry said, looking at the other boy mischievously.  
  
“Yeah?” Louis asked through his fit of giggles.  
  
Harry didn’t even look at the crowd of people at the party before saying, “Wanna make out?” and crashing his lips onto Louis’ without waiting for an answer.  
  
-  
  
**2\. Wake up somewhere different than where I fell asleep**  
  
“The fuck?” Louis groaned, grabbing his pounding head as he sat up. He looked around and noticed he was in the grass in the front lawn of _what’s his name’s_ party, they had gone to last night.  
  
He saw Harry over a little, laying in a bush that looked far too pointy to be comfortable, mouth open with drool on his chin.  
  
Maybe he gotten a bit more smashed than planned.    
  
-  
  
**3\. Eat an entire box of Fruity Pebbles for breakfast**  
  
Louis looked down at his fifth and final bowl of Fruity Pebbles and scrunched up his nose as he felt his stomach churn. He wasn’t hungry anymore, but he started this list and he was sure as hell going to end it.  
  
-  
  
**4\. Get a tattoo**  
  
“Fuck, Harry, this is going to hurt, isn’t it?” Louis said nervously, biting his lip and glancing at the needle the burly man was about to press against the inside of his wrist. In the harsh fluorescent lighting of the shop, it looked all too vulnerable.  
  
“Yes, baby, but I know you can do it,” Harry murmured into his ear, placing a soft kiss on it’s shell.  
  
“So, bravery, right?” the man asked one final time, the needle coming dangerously close to his skin now.  
  
Louis gulped once more before nodding and squeezing his eyes shut.  
  
It was worth it.  
  
-  
  
**5\. Not die a virgin**  
  
“Louis, you have to be sure about this. This isn’t like anything else on your list, this is-” Harry took a deep steadying breath, “this is big.” He looked down Louis’ bare chest with wide eyes, hovering hesitantly over his body.  
  
“Fuck, Harry. I’m almost eighteen years old and I’m going to die. But I am not going to die a virgin. We’ve been going out for eight months! People our age would have done it ages ago. We have to do it now, before I can’t. I’m going to get weaker, Harry, and there is no way I’m ever going to be up for this anymore. Come on, Harry, I want you. I want all of you.”  
  
“Alright,” Harry breathed. He kissed Louis’ neck and trailed up to his mouth. “Alright,” he repeated.  
  
-  
  
**6\. Meet The Script**  
  
“No, I don’t think you understand, you guys. They are standing right there and holy shit, how’s my hair? Are my clothes wrinkled? Fuck. I knew I shouldn’t have fallen asleep in the car. Oh my God, they’re literally in front of me. I’m not dreaming. Okay, okay. What do I even say?” Louis rambled, frantically fixing any flaw in his clothes and looking at his friends with wild eyes.  
  
All four of the fuckers just laughed at him.  
  
“Stop it,” he whined, jutting out his lower lip to pout at them. “I don’t know what to say!”  
  
Niall rolled his eyes. “Just be yourself, mate, it’s hard not to love you with your antics,” he said sarcastically, but with a whole lot of sincerity behind his eyes. Louis was that person. The one that no matter how hard you tried to dislike them, you just couldn’t. People argued it was Liam from their group, but they all knew it wasn’t.  
  
Louis was special.  
  
-  
  
**7\. Go bungee jumping**  
  
“Hold on tight, love! I don’t think I can do this without you,” Louis yelled as they climbed up higher, trying to yell over the wind while struggling to walk with Harry attached to him from the harness.  
  
Harry had wanted to do this one with him, so they were going to jump together.  
  
“Believe me, it might be a little too tight,” Harry huffed, trying not to look down.  
  
“Alright, we went over everything down there. Remember the rules. Are you guys ready?” their instructor asked, grabbing the industrial rope and hooking them in safely.  
  
“Yes,” Louis answered for them both, earning a small hit on the arm from Harry, who also repeated the notion with a lot less confidence.  
  
“Whenever you’re ready,” their instructor said, giving them an encouraging smile.  
  
They counted off, “1, 2, 3,” and jumped, feeling the rush of wind go through their hair. They were flying together, and Louis wondered if this is what falling in love felt like in the end.  
  
-  
  
**8\. Do something crazy with my hair**  
  
“Bleach, Louis? Zayn? Did you guys kill someone?” Harry asked as the pair walked into his room. “Do you need help cleaning up the body?”  
  
“You know it. Niall just wouldn’t shut up,” Louis joked back, going to sit down next to him. “No, actually I want to bleach my hair and Zaynie here volunteered to do it with me.”  
  
“Volunteering makes it sound like it was my idea,” Zayn responded, glaring playfully.  
  
“Besides, it’s just one piece in the front. I drew the line at all of my hair.”  
  
Louis nodded at him before turning back to Harry. “Just wanted to do something with it, you know, before I lose it all.”  
  
Harry wanted to cry all over again at the words, something he had been doing quite a lot of in his spare time away from Louis. But he had made a promise. It might have been a drunken promise, but he knew it meant a lot to Louis. So he smiled and grabbed at the bleach like it was the same old, same old.  
  
-  
  
**9\. Get a puppy**  
  
“Knock, knock,” Harry said before pushing his way into Louis’ room without waiting for approval. He bit back a smile when he noticed that the boy was fast asleep, curled up on top of his covers. He had been getting tired easily lately, and even if the reason was horrid, Harry couldn’t help but love how adorable Louis looked asleep like that.  
  
The squirming bundle in his arms interrupted his thoughts and he broke out into an all out grin before walking towards the bed and placing the little, chocolate lab onto the covers.  
  
The puppy immediately bound onto Louis, licking his face and demanding attention. Louis jumped up and looked extremely confused, but still started to pet the puppy. “Who’s this?” he asked, looking up into Harry’s smiling face. A small smile found it’s way onto his face and he broke out into a fit of giggles as the puppy began to lick his cheek.  
  
“Baci,” Harry said. “It means kisses in Italian.”  
  
“The name fits her. Who’s is she?” Louis asked, shaking the dog’s ears playfully and watching as she flipped onto her back.  
  
“Uh, actually, she’s yours now,” Harry said, smiling sheepishly and sitting on the bed next to the two.  
  
Louis did _not_ squeal, okay?  
  
-  
  
**10\. Skinny dip**  
  
“This is not okay, you guys! My parents could wake up and murder me!” Liam whisper-shouted at the four boys who were quickly taking off their clothes before jumping into Liam’s pool. He looked back nervously at his house, double checking to make sure no lights were being turned on.  
  
“Shut up and enjoy the view, Payne!” Louis yelled, sticking his tongue out before plunging into the water.  
  
-  
  
**11\. Go on a spontaneous beach trip**  
  
“We're going to the beach, grab a change of clothes!” Zayn demanded, pulling Louis off the couch and pushing him towards the door.  
  
Louis looked down at his boxers. “Can I change first?”  
  
Zayn just rolled his eyes. “I guess,” he sighed sarcastically.  
  
“Where are Harry, Niall, and Liam? I assume they’re going too.”  
  
“In the car, so hurry up!” Zayn shouted, giving Lou one last push towards his bedroom door.  
  
-  
  
**12\. Go sailing**  
  
“Do you even know what you’re doing, Lou?” Harry cackled as he watched his boyfriend laugh and mess with the sails on the two person boat they were trying to maneuver.  
  
“Fuck no! Were you paying attention during the lesson? Don’t think so!” Louis exclaimed gleefully because fuck, he had no idea what he was doing, but this was still _fun_ and he could still feel the wind and the sea breeze and _why_ didn’t they do this sooner?  
  
“I was paying more attention than you,” Harry shouted to be heard over the waves, coming up behind Louis and tickling his sides to try and get him to let go and give him a chance to control the reins.  
  
“No!” Louis giggled, swatting his hands away and turning around to smile at Harry, momentarily forgetting what they were doing.  
  
He was reminded when he went in for a kiss and the boat just sort of _tipped._  
  
-  
  
**13\. Have an underwater kiss**  
  
“I love this,” Louis sighed, floating on his back in front of Harry, who was being the protective boyfriend he is and making sure Louis didn’t float further than he could swim back.  
  
It was nice, really. An easy silence had fallen between the two of them as they felt the fading rays of the sun kiss their skin. It was their last night at the little beach house and Louis had wanted to spend up to the last minute possible in the water. And Harry had only ever wanted whatever Louis wanted, really.  
  
“You know we still haven’t done the last thing we need to do here on your list,” Harry said slyly, bending down so his entire body was underneath the almost clear water.  
  
“Really?” Louis asked, smiling slightly and standing back up in the sand before crouching down to Harry’s level. “But you know, I seem to have forgotten what the number was?” he said, feigning innocence.  
  
“I’ll just remind you then,” Harry mumbled, putting his hands on Louis’ waist and ghosting his lips over Louis’. “Take a deep breath, love,” he whispered softly.  
  
Louis put his hands on either side of Harry’s cheeks before Harry pulled them both under.  
  
-  
  
**14\. Swim with dolphins**  
  
“So, you can just take it’s fin or whatever? It won’t hurt her?” Louis asked, cautiously running his fingers over the dolphins... skin?  
  
“Yes, sir. She’ll probably move a bit because she wants to play with you, swim around with you a bit. Would that be alright?” the dolphin trainer, maybe her name was Mary, told him. He really ought to pay more attention in training lessons.  
  
Louis laughed a little breathlessly instead of answering, reaching his hands further forward and grabbing the dolphin on it’s top fin.  
  
His mum smiled fondly at him from where she was sitting with her waterproof camera on the edge, feet dangling in the water.  
  
“Smile!” she said, bringing it up to her eye and snapping a quick picture.  
  
“Mum, I cannot believe you didn’t want to do this!” he exclaimed, laughing louder as the little dolphin started to swim in a little circle, pulling him along. He felt like a little kid again, that same glee almost lifting him up.  
  
“This is for you, boo!” She said, taking more pictures. Harry would be downright upset if she didn’t, he was already upset that he couldn’t come.  
  
“You’re going to have to eventually take the girls here!” he said, thinking of how much they would all love it. They were supposed to come this time, but poor Phoebe still didn’t know how to swim properly and Jay hadn’t wanted anyone to feel left out. So she kept it just the two of them today and Louis didn’t argue because he was such a mummy’s boy at heart and didn’t mind.  
  
“Promise,” she replied, taking another picture of Louis laughing. She would keep those for herself, just to have something of her son to hold onto. Something that was only hers.  
  
-  
  
**15\. Shoot a handgun**  
  
“Okay, this is freaking me out,” Zayn mumbled, his grip on the gun tightening as he brought it up to eye level and aimed at the target in the shooting range.  
  
“Just one!” Louis insisted, watching him carefully, just to make sure he actually did it before he shot his own.  
  
When he heard the shot even through the huge earmuffs they were wearing, he smiled and raised his own gun, pointing towards the zombie cut out and squeezing the trigger back with a satisfying _bang._  
  
He hit him right through the head and Zayn and Harry didn’t know whether to be proud or terrified.  
  
-  
  
**16\. Create a time capsule for Hazza**  
  
Louis looked around his room frantically, clutching his self-decorated box in his hands. It was covered in doodles and his favorite lyrics and things that he loved, but he couldn’t seem to figure out what to put in it. He knew Harry wouldn’t notice if things that were important to them disappeared from Louis’ room. They were hardly ever in it anymore and Louis wouldn’t be at home much longer anyway.  
  
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, thinking of Harry and their life together and what he wanted Harry to remember of it.  
  
He looked around his room again and noticed the movie poster for _Love Actually_. They had watched it for their first date. Louis smiled fondly at the memories and placed the box down onto his bed. He had to go up to his tiptoes to actually reach the top tack, but eventually he managed to get it down. Looking at it one last time, he saw rather than felt a single tear hit the laminated paper. He shook his head lightly to get himself out of the little funk and started to fold the poster carefully before placing it into the bottom of the box.  
  
The beginning was a good place to start.  
  
  
  
He went outside once it was full, so much heavier than he expected, and went to the single tree in his small backyard where a hole had already been dug. It had taken him much longer than it once would have, but he couldn’t ask Harry, or even any of the other boys, for help. No, this he had to do all on his own.  
  
Kneeling down carefully, he placed the box in the ground and stared at the lyrics sitting on the top, front and center.  
  
_Like stars burning holes right through the dark, flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes._  
_You were one inch from the edge of this bed, I drag you back a sleepyhead._  
  
The tear that landed on the top almost startled him from his thoughts and he hurriedly pushed the damp soil over it in one go, running away as fast as he could.  
  
-  
  
**17\. Donate 100 pounds or more to a cause**  
  
“Boo bear, are you sure about this?” Louis’ mum asked him, peering over Louis’ shoulder cautiously as he hovered over the bright blue ‘donate’ button.  
  
Louis rolled his eyes, yet _again_. “Yes, mum. It’s only half, but I already told you, the other half needs to go to the girls, alright?”  
  
“This is a lot of money, I just want you to be sure. Your list only said one hundred.”  
  
Louis smiled proudly at the four digit number. “Yep. But I’m not going to make it to college, mum. But maybe these kids can.”  
  
_Thank you for your donation of £7,547 to the Teenage Cancer Trust._  
  
-  
  
**18\. Jump in a taxi and scream ‘follow that car!’**  
  
“Harry,” Louis giggled putting his hand up into the streets of busy London, trying to hail a cab.  
  
“Louis, you have to look panicked and in a hurry!” Harry insisted, putting on an overdramatic face and waving his hand frantically. “Honestly, I thought you were the one in drama!” he teased, before letting out peels of laughter as a cab pulled over beside them.  
  
Louis clambered in, Harry right behind him and he pointed at the closest car and yelled, “Follow that car!”  
  
The cab driver looked as if he was about to do just that before he heard the two teenagers burst into laughter. He rolled his eyes, almost fondly, and asked, “Where to?”  
  
-  
  
**19\. Sing to someone random on the street**  
  
“Niall, this guy.” Louis whispered as Niall strummed random chords on his guitar as they walked along the streets of London.  
  
He subtly pointed to a man who was on his phone, looking far too busy to be sung to.  
  
Niall nodded, biting his lip before they both started to sing, purposely horribly off-key.  
  
_“Every day is so wonderful and suddenly it's hard to breathe. Now and then I get insecure from all the pain, feel so ashamed. I am beautiful no matter what they say, words can't bring me down.”_  
  
The man glared at them and tried to walk around the pair of boys, but to no avail because they both blocked the path, carrying on. He finally managed to get around him, but Niall and Louis were fast on his heels, laughter blending with their terrible singing and the chords getting messier as Niall tried to run. Finally they honestly just couldn’t take it anymore and stopped following after him to burst into peals of laughter.  
  
-  
  
**20\. Lay down in the middle of an aquarium**  
  
“You know, Harry, you’re my favorite person ever,” Louis mumbled, looking up at the aqua color of the water and the fish swimming around. He didn’t want to look at Harry. He didn’t want to look at his eyes because right now he doesn’t think that he could ignore the pain in them, the grief. He knew Harry was trying to be strong for him, he wasn’t dumb, he had known Harry since they were young. He could read him like a book.  
  
“You’re mine too, Lou,” Harry replied, bringing his hand down to lace through Louis’, having the same problem as Louis. He couldn’t deal with everything Louis was holding on the inside. Not now atleast. “And I’m really scared to have to lose you.”  
  
“I’ll always be with you, Harold. Don’t you dare forget that, alright? And we still have time, don’t think about that now.”  
  
“It’s hard not too.”  
  
“I know,” Louis replied, throat closing painfully as he chased the tears away. This wasn’t the time to think of the end.  
  
-  
  
**21\. See The Fray in concert**  
  
“Niall! Fuck, this is so cool!” Louis exclaimed, looking around at all the people in the crowd.  
  
“Harry told me to not let you get in the pit, so is it cool if we just chill back here?” Niall asked, gesturing to the significantly less crowded area in the back of the venue. Louis didn’t mind, it still had a pretty good view of the stage. It was the music that really mattered, anyway.  
  
“I don’t even care, as long as they play Look After You, I’m the happiest lad here,” he said smiling as wide as he could and slinging an arm around the blonde.  
  
He wasn’t going to tell Niall that he was tired, he wasn’t going to tell him he felt like he would throw up because the last resort chemotherapy he went through two days ago was making him sick, and he sure wasn’t going to tell him that he wanted to scream in pain right now because there was no way he’d let him stay if he did. Instead, Louis kept a smile on his face as he saw his favorite band step onto that stage.  
  
Instead of crying, he yelled right along with everyone else and threw his hands in the air to let everyone know he was a fighter, and this was not going to be the end of him.  
  
-  
  
**22\. Kiss in the rain**  
  
“Louis, what are you doing?” Harry asked, confused as he was yanked into the downpour in front of Louis’ house.  
  
Louis laughed and brought his hand up to kiss it. “The list, Harry! I have to complete the list!”  
  
“What-” Harry started to ask, interrupted by Louis kissing him hard and needy.  
  
It wasn’t really as spectacular as the movies make it. It was cold and it was too wet for him, but it was Harry and that part was perfect.  
  
-  
  
**23\. Go on a haunted hay ride**  
  
“I don’t think it was Niall we had to be worried about,” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear, pointing his finger at Zayn’s terrified face. The Bradford boy was looking around the dark night, trying not to appear as scared as he truly was.  
  
“You’re right. I think when they started telling the story, he grabbed Liam’s hand,” Harry replied, laughing and kissing Louis’ cheek while he was there.  
  
“You’ll protect me from the big, scary ghosts, won’t you, Haz?” Louis joked, glancing at all the plastic decorations around the dirt road.  
  
“Always.”  
  
-  
  
**24\. Watch all the Scream movies on Halloween**  
  
“Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!” Louis screamed, pulling his pillow over his face as yet another stupid girl was walking towards the murderer. Honestly, wouldn’t they know better after what happened to last half a dozen?  
  
“Louis, calm down. You already know what’s going to happen,” Harry chuckled, tightening the arm that was slung across Louis’ shoulders. He knew he shouldn’t be finding Louis’ fear funny, but honestly, the movie wasn’t exactly unpredictable.  
  
“But something is going to fucking pop up, and oh fuck, Harry. It’s going to p-” he cut himself off with a high pitched scream.  
  
Harry laughed and pulled Louis onto his lap. “Didn’t I already tell you that I’d protect you from the monsters,” he teased, just trying to make Louis smile at him. But he had really called this one on himself.  
  
-  
  
**25\. Go to America**  
  
“Mummy, look!” Daisy yelled, pointing excited at the empire state building.  
  
Louis looked around nervously at all of the people around him, tightening his grip on Phoebe as she squirmed in his arms to catch a look herself. “Mom, are you sure New York was the greatest idea?” he whispered, quiet enough that the girls wouldn’t hear.  
  
“Yes, Bear, stop worrying,” his mum tutted at him, walking up to their hotel’s entrance.  
  
“There’s just so many people,” he muttered, doing a double check, yet again, that he saw all four of his sisters in front of him.  
  
Lottie scoffed, punching him lightly on the arm. “Worse that mum and grandma _combined.”_  
  
-  
  
**26\. Finish a marathon**  
  
“Louis, you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone,” Harry insisted for what seemed to be the fifteenth time in the past thirty minutes. He was worried, to say the least. Louis had gotten considerably weaker in the past month and Harry was worried that he had gone too far this time. His breathing was shallow and on the verge of being wheezes and he knew that Louis would be really upset if he had to stop before the halfway mark.  
  
“I’ve got this, Harry,” he laughed, being typical Louis and throwing it off with a smile. “Besides, my mom told pretty much everyone who is involved with the program and if I get too tired, I’ll have a wheelchair there in two seconds.”  
  
“You better not push yourself too hard,” Harry warned, not fazed by Louis’ joking demeanor. He knew Louis.  
  
Louis shook his head and kept walking. This was on his list, this may be his only chance to do this, not Harry’s.  
  
“We should’ve put this further up on the list,” Harry said, worry still etched in his features. He kept looking over Louis skeptically, watching as his skin began growing paler and paler as they ran. “Louis, I really think we should get you the wheelchair now,” Harry told him, wrapping his arm around Louis’ shrinking waist to keep him upright.  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Louis mumbled in reply, feeling slightly faint.  
  
Harry pulled him aside to let other people pass and then pulled out his phone to call Jay. He quickly told her where they were in the race and asked for her to bring down the wheelchair and a water for Louis.  
  
Louis didn’t really remember being set down into the chair, but before he knew it Harry was pushing him in the marathon again and handing him a water bottle.  
  
“Drink it,” he demanded, giving him a fake glare.  
  
Louis nodded and took a couple gulps before reaching up and messing with the bandanna he had picked out today. “How does my hair look?” he asked Harry, his joking side present once again as he ran his hand over his bare scalp before placing the bandanna back on.  
  
“You look perfect, Louis.” Harry responded, trying to convey how genuine he was being through his words. He knew Louis would never believe him, though, but all he could do was never stop saying it.  
  
-  
  
**27\. Have a date on the Eiffel Tower**  
  
“How the Hell did you manage this, Harold?” Louis demanded as Harry led him to a table set up on a platform _on top_ of the eiffel tower.  
  
“I have my ways, sweet cheeks. Now enjoy it because I could only get an hour,” he joked, pulling out Louis’ chair for him.  
  
“Such a gentleman,” Louis complimented before looking down and laughing at what was set up on the table. Just a couple bags of crisps, some grapes, and two bottles of coke. “This is classy as hell,” Louis commented.  
  
Harry blushed and stuttered out, “Well, I couldn’t very well take up a dinner up here. They wouldn’t let me. Wouldn’t even allow a candle.”  
  
“It’s actually perfect, Haz. Don’t worry your curly head about it.” Louis smiled brightly, running a hand through Harry’s hair for emphasis. He soon grew distracted though, moving his free hand to pull at the beanie covering his bald head.  
  
“It doesn’t bother you, right?” he asked quietly, dropping both his hands to sit in his lap.  
  
“Louis- no, not at all!” Harry protested in shock, pulling Louis’ hand into his grasp and kissing his knuckles.  
  
Louis felt tears prick at his eyes. Harry and him never really talked about anything regarding the illness. The moment they talked about it, it would make it real. But sitting here, looking over Paris, which would never happen had they just been _normal_ , and with Harry holding onto Louis’ hands like they would slip away. It felt pretty real to him.  
  
-  
  
**28\. Attach a lock to a love bridge**  
  
“While we’re here, might as well,” Harry said, grabbing onto Louis’ hand tightly as they wound through the people surrounding them. They had just gotten out of their cab and were walking towards the Pont de l'Archevêché, a bridge that had been infamous for couples placing ‘love locks’ on it. Locks that signified forever.  
  
Forever was just what they needed.  
  
“Tired,” Louis mumbled, nuzzling his head into Harry’s neck.  
  
“We could do this tomorrow if you want,” Harry offered, slowing down a little and looking a bit uncertainly at the space between them and bridge. It wasn’t far, but if Lou couldn’t do it...  
  
Louis scoffed and held his hand tighter, pulling them back to the same pace as before. “Don’t be dumb, I can handle being tired. This is worth it.”  
  
They reached the bridge, the sight of all the locks was slightly breathtaking. Knowing that this many people, from all over the world, came here and did this for someone else, it warmed their hearts.  
  
“There are so many,” Louis whispered, running his hands over a patch of them. All different colours, textures, styles... all different stories.  
  
Louis wondered about the next people to stand in this spot, and the next, and the next. Would they see their lock? Would they be able to feel them in this spot? He was certain that they had to leave some impression, the love he felt for Harry couldn’t just disappear along with him. It was unfathomable. Something this strong couldn’t just... go away when he did.  
  
Harry laughed slightly, breathlessly, and took their lock out of his pocket. “Let’s get ours on as well, so we can go back to the hotel and you can sleep.”  
  
Louis made a little whining noise before walking up to a clear spot.  “Alright?” he asked, looking up at Harry, his eyes blown wide and full of so much - _too much_.  
  
“Alright,” Harry breathed, hooking the lock over it before snapping it shut. He leaned down after he did it, kissing Louis like he was all the mattered. Because for Harry, he was.  
  
_Remember us forever. HS+LT._  
  
-  
  
**29\. Be in two places at once**  
  
“I am currently in two places at once, Haz. Think about it,” Louis said, laughing at the idea. He _knows_ this one was a bit ridiculous, but _come on_ , how cool is this?  
  
Harry just rolled his eyes fondly as his boyfriend stood on the border between France and Germany. “Come on, love. You’ve had your fun, but I still have a long drive.”  
  
-  
  
**30\. Volunteer at a homeless kitchen**  
  
“Hello, sir,” Louis chirped, fixing the bandana he had put on this morning. “Looked a bit lonely, don’t mind company, do you?” he asked, sitting next to an elderly man dressed in tattered clothes. You could tell he didn’t have much, the dirt, ripped clothes and fact he was at a homeless shelter sort of giving him away. But his eyes still had the sort of hopeful glint to them that Louis admired.  
  
“Not at all, son,” he replied, looking up at Louis with curious eyes. “You look too young to be working here. Never get too many teenagers.”  
  
“Wanted to give back before I go,” Louis admitted softly, taking his hand and pulling off his beanie to show the stranger his head.  
  
“People like you don’t deserve it.”  
  
-  
  
**31\. Ride in a hot air balloon**  
  
“Zayn, why in the world are you coming with us again?” Louis asked curiously as the balloon started to leave the ground, leaving Zayn’s knuckles pale as he gripped onto the edge. It wasn’t the smartest idea the dark haired boy had ever had.  
  
“Wanted to,” he spat out, trying not to let his fear of heights ruin this for Louis.  
  
Louis and Harry laughed at him, draped over each other as they watched the ground get further and further away.  
  
“Appreciate it Zayn, but I’m almost positive you might piss yourself,” Louis teased, poking Zayn in the stomach with the hand that wasn’t around Harry.  
  
“Seriously,” Zayn said, breathing heavily. “Wouldn’t have missed it. Wanted to be here for you.”  
  
Louis ducked his head to hide the blush on his cheeks. He had truly amazing friends.  
  
-  
  
**32\. Have a proper tea party for my sisters**  
  
“Daisy, would you pass the kettle please,” Louis asked politely, smiling at her as she handed him the glass pot.  
  
“Miss Tomlinson, Louis,” Phoebe scolded, taking a delicate bite of the raspberry scone in front of her.  
  
“How will I ever tell you apart then?” Louis asked, feigning horror.  
  
“Miss Tomlinson, be careful not to spill tea on your dress,” their mum piped up, taking a slow sip of her own.  
  
They were all dressed in their best dresses, Louis in his tux, and had decorated the dining room with faux extravagant decorations. If anyone else were to see it, Louis is almost sure they’d call it tacky. But it was wasn’t for anyone else, it was for his four little darlings to show them how much he cared and always would.  
  
-  
  
**33\. Pet a zebra**  
  
“What if it bites me?” Louis asked nervously, glancing over at Harry and Zayn with nervous eyes as someone from the zoo walked over to them.  
  
“Louis, you called this on yourself,” Harry said. He laughed when Louis’ eyes widened as he gazed at the gate to the Zebra pen he was about to enter.  
  
He groaned as the worker explained the rules to him and led him into the pin. “So I can just- just go up to it?” he asked, unsure.  
  
“That’s the idea,” the zoo worker replied, looking at him with sad eyes.  
  
So Louis walked up to the zebra and ran his hand along his back, ignoring the kids pointing at him with envy, but he’d rather have that then the eyes of ‘sympathetic’ workers who don’t know shit.  
  
-  
  
**34\. Leave a note to make Harry before**  
  
_Dearest Harold,_  
  
_I know that you’ve been trying to sneak peeks at the list, but just know, you will eventually find out about the rest of it. Just... You know, afterwards. I hope you’re having fun at school! I’m officially out and I’m sad that I can’t see you everyday. But you’ll visit, right?_  
  
_You told me once that you’ve remembered every single moment of your life after you were about to call me yours._  
  
_Can you just promise me that you’ll remember me forever? Not necessarily everything, but just, don’t forget me, alright? Promise? :)_  
  
_I love you to the moon and back, Haz._  
_Louis_  
  
-  
  
**35\. Beat Liam in chess**  
  
“Hah! I win! You can’t deny it, I won fair and square, Payne!” Louis exclaimed, trying not to cough because then Harry would rush over and baby him again.  
  
Liam smiled at him and looked down. He’d never been the best liar, but in his happiness, he knew Louis wouldn’t notice that Liam had allowed him the win. “You are now pronounced chess king!”  
  
-  
  
**36\. Paint something I consider beautiful**  
  
“Stop moving right this instant!” Louis giggled at Harry. His boyfriend was currently sitting in the corner of his tiny hospital room on one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs. “I’m almost done, promise.”  
  
Harry just pouted and looked around the room some more, hoping that something about the dreary white had changed. It hadn’t.  
  
“Done!” Louis exclaimed, turning the small canvas around and showing Harry the painting.  
  
“Louis Tomlinson!” Harry exclaimed in outrage. “That isn’t me! That is your fish!”  
  
Louis couldn't help it now, he broke out into cackles, putting the painting down so he wouldn’t smear it.  
  
Harry came over easily overtaking him and tickling him like it was nobodies business.  
  
“Harry, stop!” Louis laughed, not able to control himself. He broke out into a fit of coughs though, body weak as he let out huge heaves.  
  
“Oh my god, Louis, are you okay?” Harry demanded, going still and pulling Louis into his body in a protective hug.  
  
“Fine, Haz,” Louis choked, giving him a tentative smile. He hated when he worried.  
  
-  
  
**37\. Decorate for the wrong holiday**  
  
“Valentine’s come early this year!” Louis exclaimed happily, slouching down onto his hospital bed, exhausted from the decorating and the dancing that had gone down during the process.  
  
“About three months too early, but you know, that was the goal,” Niall said, a little laugh escaping his mouth.  
  
“I think it really adds a nice touch to the room, really brings out all the colors,” Louis droned sarcastically, looking at the white walls covered in decorations in fake adoration.  
  
Harry sat quietly, rubbing Louis’ back gently after noticing the tired look on his face. “I could really go for a nap,” he said pointedly, knowing that Louis would never openly admit to being tired if he thought it would let someone down.  
  
“Yeah, me too, Haz.” Louis agreed, catching onto his plan but glad for the cop out.  
  
-  
  
**38\. Plant a tree**  
  
“I really need to thank the nurses again for letting me do this,” Louis muttered, patting the freshly placed soil that was over the tree sprout they had placed on the hospital yard.  
  
“You’ll have the chance, dear,” Jay said, looking over at the two boys with a careful eye. Louis had been getting worse, far too quickly. She was almost always beside him now and when she wasn’t, he was either in surgery or with Harry.  
  
“I’ll visit it every year,” Harry decided, looking at the tiny little tree they had just planted together. He wanted to see it grow, but he wanted to see it grow with Louis. “Twice,” he added. Jay had to look away and hold in her tears.  
  
-  
  
**39\. Make a huge blanket fort**  
  
“I honestly have no idea how I got away with all of these blankets,” Harry explained to Louis, setting up the last sheet above the entire fort they had just built in the hospital room. He was still flushed from sneaking away from the supply closet, hair haphazard from blankets being dropped on his head and eye bright from exertion.  
  
“Because all the nurse’s have creepy crushes on you?” Louis offered, still pouting at the fact that Harry wasn’t letting him help. He wasn’t letting him do much of anything on his own any more. Louis wasn’t going to argue, though. If it helped Harry feel better, it was alright with him.  
  
“I built it over your bed so you can still sleep on it,” Harry explained, grabbing Louis’ hand and bringing him inside the fort, flicking on the flashlight he had also brought with him.  
  
“Deal,” Louis murmured, putting his head heavily on Harry’s shoulder.  
  
-  
  
**40\. Is falling in love too cliche to put on here?**  
  
“Hey, Harry,” Louis said, motioning for him to walk over to the hospital bed.  
  
“Are you okay? Are you tired again? Do you need more pain medication?” he immediately asked, like usual when Louis said anything slightly off. He rushed over to the side of Louis’ bed, crouching down.  
  
Louis laughed. “No, silly. I just wanted to tell you that I love you,” he said, taking a serious tone and putting a pale hand on Harry’s cheek. Harry could remember a time when those hands had been tan and strong. But they were just as perfect to him now.  
  
Harry started to stutter nervously, biting down on his lip almost hard enough to draw blood. “I-I love you too.”  
  
-  
  
**41\. Slow dance with someone**  
  
_and I have to speculate_  
_that God Himself did make us into_  
_corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces_  
  
They were both crying, the lights out with only the music with them.  
  
“H-Harry,” Louis breathed, clutching onto Harry’s shirt and whimpering as he started to cry harder. “I love you so much.”  
  
“I love you too, I love you too,” Harry chanted, his breath choking low in his throat. Even in his near hysteric chanting, he still managed to get out, _“But it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away, when I am missing you to death.”_  
  
-  
  
**42\. Give people a reason to remember my name**  
  
“No, we’re not bothering with this one. I will always remember your name,” Harry insisted, pushing the list away from Louis, not even bothering to try and sneak a peek this time.  
  
“Haz,” Louis whined, trying to get up again.  
  
“No, everyone will remember you Louis. You won’t be forgotten. You’re special, this is special, _we’re_ special. And even if they forget, there will never be a second of the day I won’t remember your laugh or your smile or your freckles that show up in the sun. I will never, ever forget you.”  
  
-  
  
**43\. Give the best Christmas present ever**  
  
“This one was a piece of cake,” Louis scoffed, handing an oddly shaped, horribly wrapped present to Harry. “And don’t you _dare_ so much as _touch_ the wrapping until you read the card.”  
  
Harry rolled his eyes, taking the card from Louis’ slighter hands.  
  
_Dear Haz,_  
_Open one year after my death exactly._  
  
-  
  
**44\. Actually finish writing a song**  
  
Louis was about to burst into tears as he looked down at his piano after screwing up again because it was too hard to press all of the keys down with enough force to make them sound right.  
  
“Louis, it’s alright,” Harry reassured him, stroking his back soothingly. “If this is too much we can-”  
  
“No!” Louis all but yelled at him, trying again to play a simple C chord. “I can- I can do this. I have to do this.” he said, his voice breaking.  
  
Harry placed a kiss on the edge of his jaw and shifted in the hospital bed so he was leaning his head on top of Louis’. “I know you do, baby.”  
  
-  
  
**45\. Come out to my dad**  
  
See the problem was that Louis’ dad just wasn’t around anymore. And he was scary. And he looked like he could kill someone. But Louis just chalked it down to the fact that he wasn’t around.  
  
It was frustrating, sure, that even now, when Louis was on the brink of his death, this was one of the few times his father had come to visit.  
  
And Louis just spit it out. He put it out there for his dad to deal with because Louis didn’t want to have the weight on his shoulders anymore.  
  
_“I’m gay.”_  
  
And when his dad just left the room, it really didn’t bother him as much as it should’ve because Harry was holding his hand and his mom was smiling at him like he just won a Nobel Prize.  
  
-  
  
**46\. Have a band dedicate a song to me**  
  
“Louis! Get on YouTube right now!” Harry exclaimed, barging through the hospital room door to find Louis laying down and staring at the ceiling.  
  
Louis struggled to get up in a sitting position and gave Harry a curious look. “Why?” he asked.  
  
“Here, I’ll show you,” he replied, getting Louis’ laptop and sitting next to him, trying not to take up too much room. He quickly signed on and looked up what he was looking for before turning the volume all the way up.  
  
He looked at Louis as he watched the screen with his eyebrows furrowed.  
  
“Hi, everyone. I’m Andrew from Jack’s Mannequin and last week we got a really special message from a guy named Harry who wanted us to dedicate one of his boyfriend’s favorite songs to him because it’s on his bucket list. It’s really close to my heart because as you guys probably know, I’ve been through the same thing this kid is going through. So, here’s to you Louis, stay strong and don’t stop fighting,” Andrew said looking straight at the camera before going into the song ‘Dark Blue.’  
  
_Slow down_  
_This night's a perfect shade of_  
_Dark blue_  
  
_Have you ever been alone in a crowded room_  
_When I'm here with you_  
_I said the world could be burning down_  
_Dark blue_  
  
_Have you ever been alone in a crowded room_  
_Well I'm here with you_  
_I said the world could be burning_  
_Til there's nothing but dark blue_  
  
_Just dark blue_  
  
-  
  
**47\. Change someone’s life**  
  
“Boo bear, you know that you’ve changed all of our lives,” Jay told her son, stroking his cheek like he was going to break as he coughed and determinedly sat up.  
  
Niall, Zayn, Liam, and Harry were sat around him, all nodding.  
  
“Mate, there’s so much you’ve done for me, so much you’ve changed me into, for the better,” Niall said, a couple tears stinging his eyes.  
  
“I’m so much better because of you, so much better, Lou,” Zayn added, getting oddly emotional for... well, Zayn. His voice cracked and he buried his face into Liam’s shoulder.  
  
“Louis, this is one off the list. You’ve touched so many people,” Liam agreed, wrapping an arm around Zayn.  
  
“Told you,” Harry joked, kissing his cheek fondly.  
  
-  
  
**48\. Get a New Year’s kiss**  
  
“Made it another year together, Haz,” Louis croaked, coughing weakly, as though his body had just given up altogether.  
  
“We can make it another year, right?” Harry asked, smiling almost bitterly, his eyes full of tears that wouldn’t dare come out.  
  
“Of course,” Louis agreed, struggling to get his hand up. He rested his palm on Harry’s chest, his heart. “In here though. Every year, right here.”  
  
Harry put his much bigger hand over Louis’, a sob ripping through his throat as he grabbed Louis’ hand, bringing it up to his mouth before kissing it repeatedly.  
  
“You’re supposed to kiss my _lips_ at midnight, dummy,” Louis joked softly.  
  
And who was Harry to deny him this.  
  
They kissed and it tasted like shooting stars. So bright, but gone in the blink of an eye.  
  
**-**  
  
**49\. Fall asleep in someone's arms**  
  
“No! No, no, no! Fuck, Louis, you can’t just leave me like this! You can’t!” Harry cried, clutching Louis’ body closer to him.  
  
Nurses and his regular doctor rushed in at the sound of the deadlined heartbeat and tried to tear Harry away from him.  
  
This didn’t really sit well with him and he started to scream louder. “No! Louis! He can’t be dead! Help him, what are you doing! Do something!” Tears started to pour like a heavy rain down his face. “No! Let me stay! He wanted me to stay! I told him I would stay.”  
  
-  
  
_Shut the door_  
_Turn the light off_  
_I wanna be with you_  
_I wanna feel your love_  
_I wanna lay beside you_  
_I cannot hide this_  
_Even though I try_  
  
_Heart beats harder_  
_Time escapes me_  
_Trembling hands_  
_Touch skin_  
_It makes this harder_  
_And the tears stream down my face_  
  
_If we could only have this life_  
_For one more day_  
_If we could only turn back time_  
  
_You know I’ll be_  
_Your life_  
_Your voice_  
_Your reason to be_  
_My love_  
_My heart_  
_Is breathing for this_  
_Moment_  
_In time_  
_I’ll find the words to say_  
_Before you leave me today_  
  
_Close the door_  
_Throw the key_  
_Don’t wanna be reminded_  
_Don’t wanna be seen_  
_Don’t wanna be without you_  
_My judgements clouded_  
_Like tonight's sky_  
  
_Hands are silent_  
_Voice is numb_  
_Try to scream out my lungs_  
_It makes this harder_  
_And the tears stream down my face_  
  
_If we could only have this life_  
_For one more day_  
_If we could only turn back time_  
  
_You know I’ll be_  
_Your life_  
_Your voice_  
_Your reason to be_  
_My love_  
_My heart_  
_Is breathing for this_  
_Moment_  
_In time_  
_I’ll find the words to say_  
_Before you leave me today_  
  
_Flashing lights in my mind_  
_Going back to the time_  
_Playing games in the street_  
_Kicking balls with my feet_  
_There’s a numb in my toes_  
_Standing close to the edge_  
_There’s a pile of my clothes_  
_At the end of your bed_  
_As I feel myself fall_  
_Make a joke of it all_  
  
_You know I’ll be_  
_Your life_  
_Your voice_  
_Your reason to be_  
_My love_  
_My heart_  
_Is breathing for this_  
_Moment_  
_In time_  
_I’ll find the words to say_  
_Before you leave me today_  
  
_You know I’ll be_  
_Your life_  
_Your voice_  
_Your reason to be_  
_My love_  
_My heart_  
_Is breathing for this_  
_Moment_  
_In time_  
_I’ll find the words to say_  
_Before you leave me today_  
  
  
**50\. Have a song written about me.** **  
**


End file.
